#in case you also wanted to know where the phrase ‘jump the shark’ came from

[explode-this]

Omfg so the problem was, the water for brewing had been drawn out of the reservoir but wasn’t dispensing, and in one of the videos I watched—out of dozens of others that just attributed it to scale buildup—a guy banged on the top and the water came out. So in desperation I did the same and whaddya fuckin’ know. I literally Fonzied my Keurig back to brewing status.

Oh no my old-ass keurig has stopped working, I can’t find the documentation for it, there’s no model label on the back, and YouTube is showing me fifty different kinds of machine when I try to troubleshoot.

On the upside, I was finally able to get my ADHD meds filled after only a week and a half of the pharmacy being out, so I feel equipped for challenges today!

[trenchcas]

episode origins p1

i was watching moriah earlier today and was wondering what the significance of the name moriah was, so i searched it up. i’ll explain it here in this. i wanted to learn which episodes have titles derived from pop culture, literature, etc. so i put together this list. it’s not complete, feel free to reblog with more!

why did i waste hours on my life on this, you ask? i don’t know. 

season 1

pilot: obviously, all the first episodes of shows are called pilots. nothing new here.

wendigo: they’re fighting a wendigo

dead in the water: the phrase means “unable to function, move”.

phantom traveler: the name of the demon they’re fighting

bloody mary: based off the legend

skin: shapeshifters, also there might be a meta about how it’s a metaphor for dean

hook man: they’re fighting a hook man

bugs: bugs

home: they go home

asylum: they go to an asylum

scarecrow: scarecrow

faith: the concept of god first comes into play here, i thought that was pretty interesting. that’s why it’s called faith, duh. dean + faith is explored.

route 666: racist truck yes

nightmare: sam’s visions

the benders: i think it’s based off of the bloody benders, a family of serial killers

shadow: meg’s stalkery?

hell house: it was literally a hell house

something wicked: originally chanted by WITCHES in shakespeare’s macbeth. the full line is “something wicked this way comes, open locks, whoever knocks”. obviously the shtriga is a witch and it refers to that.

provenance: painting provenances, it’s in the episode

dead man’s blood: they use dead man’s blood

salvation: being saved or protected, like the boys and john do with the family

devil’s trap: the devil gets them in a trap. and they built a giant devil’s trap too.

season two

in my time of dying: based off of the led zeppelin song [x]

everybody loves a clown: based off of the gary lewis song [x]

bloodlust: i think it’s for the vampires but they were also a band in the 90′s

children shouldn’t play with dead things: based off of the 1972 movie

simon said: the whole “you do what i say” thing with andy and evil andy

no exit: it’s a song by blondie and in the episode h.h. holmes captures blondes...? am i just clowning

the usual suspects: based off of the 1995 movie

crossroad blues: based off of the robert johnson song (fave!) [x]

croatoan: i like this one. okay, so you guys probably know about the whole roanoke/croatoan thing in the 1600′s. so there’s a theory that the settlers were wiped out by a disease (similar to this town). also, the town would disappear off of the map.

hunted: gordon hunted sam

playthings: dolls, but the little girl was the grandma’s sisters plaything

nightshifter: a shifter in the night

houses of the holy: based off of the led zeppelin song and album [x]

born under a bad sign: based off of this song [x] there are a bunch of others including jimi hendrix but...?

tall tales: yeah i think this one is self explanatory

roadkill: someone got killed on the road

heart: werewolf heart but also how sam gave his heart to madison aww also there’s a band called heart

hollywood babylon: based off of the book by the same name

folsom prison blues: based off of the johnny cash song!! [x]

what is and what should never be: based off of the led zeppelin song [x]

all hell breaks loose: yes it did

season three

the magnificent seven: based off of the pretty famous western go watch

the kids are alright: based off of the who song [x]

bad day at black rock: based off of the 1955 movie

sin city: there’s a bunch of songs but the city was sinning so

bedtime stories: they were bedtime stories

red sky at morning: the full phrase is “red sky at morning, sailors take warning”. with the theme of this ep it fits pretty well.

fresh blood: fresh blood yes

a very supernatural christmas: i’m not sure. i think it’s based off of a christmas album?

malleus maleficarum: a 1400′s book of witches. latin for “hammer of the witches”.

dream a little dream of me: i love this song! based off this: [x]

mystery spot: mystery spot

jus in bello: i can’t really explain it but here [x]

ghostfacers: g h o s t f a c e r s

long-distance call: long distance call

time is on my side: based off of the rolling stones song [x]

no rest for the wicked: a biblical quote that means “evildoers will face eternal punishment”. also, “one’s work never ceases”.

season four

lazarus rising: in the bible, lazarus is the righteous man, which makes dean the righteous man. and he rises. so. 

are you there, god? it’s me, dean winchester: based off of the judy blume book (maybe?), are you there, god? it’s me, margaret.

in the beginning: they go back in time

metamorphosis: with the rugaru but also sammeh

monster movie: monsters and movies

yellow fever: referring to the disease i think, but also there are a few songs

it’s the great pumpkin, sam winchester: based off of it’s the great pumpkin, charlie brown.

wishful thinking: yeah

i know what you did last summer: dean + hell, sam + ruby. is it based off of the shawn mendes song? i don’t think it is because this came out way before the song.

heaven and hell: opposite sides meet, dean’s hell experiences.

family remains: there are remains

criss angel is a douche bag: idk?

after school special: based off of the abc program? i think?

sex and violence: there was a lot of sex. and violence.

death takes a holiday: death took a holiday

on the head of a pin: i’m not sure but this article is interesting, maybe related. probably related. [x]

it’s a terrible life: based off of it’s a wonderful life? i love that movie btw

the monster at the end of this book: ughhh! yes!!! first of all there’s a sesame street book by the same title. also, chuck actually was the monster at the end of the book! that’s crazy. insane. 

jump the shark: “(of a television series or movie) reach a point at which far-fetched events are included merely for the sake of novelty, indicative of a decline in quality.“ probably the whole long lost brother thing.

the rapture: a belief that christians will rise to “meet the lord in the air”. kinda like jimmy does.

when the levee breaks: based off of the led zeppelin song [x]

lucifer rising: lucifer rose

season five

sympathy for the devil: based off of the rolling stones song [x]

good god, y’all!: cas goes to find god

free to be you and me: a marlo thomas album and the brothers split up

the end: yeah it’s the end

fallen idols: i think we get it

i believe the children are our future: a lyric from a whitney houston song

the curious case of dean winchester: based off of the short story, the curious case of benjamin button.

changing channels: channels were changed. the end.

the real ghostbusters: based on the 1985 animation

abandon all hope: the full phrase is “abandon all hope, ye who enter here” and that pretty much sums up this episode.

sam, interrupted: i’m not sure?

swap meat: meats were SWAPPED.

the song remains the same: based off of the led zeppelin song [x]

my bloody valentine: based on jensen’s movie. but also the band?

dead men don’t wear plaid: based on the 1982 movie

dark side of the moon: a pink floyd album

99 problems: that one jayz song whatever

point of no return: a 1993 movie but also the poto song hehe

hammer of the gods: based off of the 1985 book i think? it’s about led zeppelin so probably yeah.

the devil you know: means that it’s better to deal with a situation you understand than one you don’t.

two minutes to midnight: this phrase is commonly used as a countdown to a global catastrophe (i.e. the fucking apocalypse)

swan song: someone’s final performance before retirement (i think this is about both brothers because it’s sam last battle and dean’s last fight before living with lisa)

season six

exile on main st.: based off of the rolling stones album [x]

two and a half men: it was a sitcom? but idk if that’s where it’s from

the third man: based off of the 1949 noir thriller? maybe? but there were also three men so idrk

weekend at bobby’s: it was a weekend at bobbys

live free or twi-hard: based off of twilight and that bruce willis movie that i watched once way back when

you can’t handle the truth: truth goddess. soulless sam gets exposed ig

family matters: based off of the 1989 sitcom? maybe

all dogs go to heaven: based off of the 1989 movie? probably

clap your hands if you believe: i think this is an original title idk

caged heat: based off of the 1974 movie i think

appointment in samarra: probably based off of the 1934 novel of the same name

like a virgin: based off of the madonna song [x]

unforgiven: sam does unforgiven things

mannequin 3: the reckoning: not sure

the french mistake: just... just read this link [x]

and then there were none: based off of the agatha christie novel of the same name

my heart will go on: y’all all know what’s up [x]

frontierland: they went to yeehaw town

mommy dearest: based on the 1981 film? maybe?

the man who would be king: based off of the 1888 novel by rudyard kipling

let it bleed: based off of the rolling stones album/song [x]

the man who knew too much: shares a name with the 1956 film

season seven

meet the new boss: they met the new boss idk

hello, cruel world: sad sam

the girl next door: there’s a 2004 romcom with the same name

defending your life: a 1991 romcom! wow!

shut up, dr. phil: sam and dean became philanthropists idk

slash fiction: hahahahaha i think we know what it means but wHY is it called that?

the mentalists: they met a bunch of magic people wow!

season 7, time for a wedding!: more like season 7, time for a slightly r*pey episode and GARTH!

how to win friends and influence monsters: based off of the 1936 book how to win friends and influence people

death’s door: they were at death’s door idk

adventures in babysitting: based off of the 1987 movie by the same name

time after time after time: based off of the cyndi lauper song? [x]

the slice girls: prolly based off of the spice girls idk

plucky pennywhistle’s magic menagerie: yeah idk

repo man: it’s a 1984 film too

out with the old: they were fucking around with antiques

the born-again identity: obviously based off of the bourne identity which i haven’t seen in forever

party on, garth: hahaha

of grave importance: it was very important

the girl with the dungeons and dragons tattoo: probably based off of the movie/book the girl with the dragon tattoo. 

reading is fundamental: reading is fundamental. go read a book.

there will be blood: there was blood

survival of the fittest: everybody fought idk

okay i’m gonna stop here for this one because i’m tired asf and i’ll do part 2 later 

[whitehairedclea]

Red Roulette part VIII

Helena sat in her office remembering Chang's words from last night. “As if I didn't know about my intuition, if it wasn't for my intuition I wouldn't open casinos in the States or raise such amount of money, you idiot” she thought. Then, for a split second, she remembered his hands holding her hand and her waist. Gently, yet firm enough to keep her from talking any more. She lit a cigarette and tossed the lighter at the corner of the desk. She quickly dispelled her memories, returning to the issue of the diamond. From the words of Chang showed that the guy did it on behalf of someone, and so probably the diamond has already been transferred to the client.

"Sebastian!"

A seconds later he appeared in the office waiting for an order.

"Bring the Spider over here immediately, maybe he will know something today that will be helpful"

"Of course, I'll get him right away," he replied and left the office quickly.

If someone did order the theft of the diamond, there must have been some trace of it on the streets. So many informants were fooling around deceiving every single profitable handful of information that such a fact of handing over the diamond could not have escaped them.

“ Mrs. Roulette! How nice ... "Spider began as soon as he entered, but Helena quickly cut off his greeting. 

“Okay, finish this cirrus. Fast. Have you heard of any strange meeting last night? "

"Virtually every one in this city, as if you could be more precise"

“It's mainly about the diamond, so focus. Whatever you heard, whatever you know "

“Let's start 600,000,” he smiled.

She had no desire or time to bargain with him, so she just nodded, trying to trust her intuition that he was the only person who could move her search forward.

"I heard one guy brag about a huge amount of money earned for one thing, just one Job. Maybe not a diamond specifically, but quite a similarity"

"Well, who was it then?"

"One of the people coming to the Yellow Flag, long brown hair, possibly American, weird that’s why I remember and that's all I know."

This was more than she could figure out so far, so she thought she had found the lead. All she had to do was find this man and find out who told him to do the job. Time was running out and there was also a risk that someone would want to sell this diamond abroad. Probably worth more than all of Roanapur .

***

  Sebastian headed for the Yellow Flag, a dingy bar on the main street. Inside, it was swarming with suspicious curiosities - dealers, bounty hunters, dirty workmen, prostitutes who could be hired upstairs. In all this hive, he was looking for an American with long hair. 

"Hi Bao " greeted the owner "how's the deal?"

"So far so good, it's only been a week since the last damage, how r you ?"

"It's pretty good to say the casino is spinning somehow, little problems"

"Problems? What, boss has her period? " laughed, but after Sebastian's expression he retired to safer topics "so what problems?"

"I'm looking for a new stranger, he must have arrived here about two days ago, a long-haired brunette, an American, have you heard something about it?"

Bao rapped on the counter to indicate that nothing is for free. Sebastian took a bundle of money out of his pocket and asked for a mug of beer for that.

"My dear, if any connoisseur from Uncle Sam is going to roll through this town, he is sure to look into a lovely restored place like the Yellow Flag!" Bao moved closer to him so that no one would hear what he was saying "... how to tell you, the girls upstairs are definitely perfect"

Sebastian didn’t need more. He jumped up, throwing an additional tip to the bartender, and ran upstairs. Already on the stairs there were crowds of women who were Whiting for the client. Mixed voices of men and women came from everywhere. Every room felt occupied. Sebastian had to choose one to find the American.

One room caught his attention as there was no sound. He decided to try and blew the door open. Inside, a white man sat on the couch, counting quite a large mountain of money. It was obvious this guy was the one he was looking for.

In an instant, he took out the gun before he could react and pointed it at him.

"Dude what are you ?!"

"I would advise you to start talking before your brain will be on that wall over there!" he shouted.

The gun was now right at his temple.

"Who did you sell the diamond to?" Sebastian asked the distressed American.

"It's nothing personal man"

'I don't care, you stole my boss's diamond, who's not a very patient woman. If you want to get out of this, I advise you to talk, we will probably manage without you, but it will be faster,' he replied, unlocking the gun.

The American, feeling the barrel of the gun against his temple, understood how much he did not care about keeping the client's secret. He had money, keeping his life was a priority. Later he talked more than had to.

He was commissioned by an Italian named Dotti right after his arrival in Roanapur. He escaped from the Italian mafia and hid somewhere in the city, gathering his strength to take over the position of the then mafia boss. He couldn't announce his great comeback yet, so he decided to start marking his grounds with minor intimidations. Defecting Helena was to scare her and take over the casino as a new home. The plan might have worked if it had happened to someone else. Helena wasn't going to let go of such an insult, she would have pulled information about him from the city's canals to get him.

"THIS IS ALL I KNOW!" he shouted "really even the pasta makers don't know where he is. NOBODY knows, I got the money a moment ago together with the key to this room!"

There was nothing else to ask. He sheathed the gun and grabbed the bag of money, then threw them all out of the open window. Hundreds of dollars scattered across the crowded street. Seconds later, there were shouts of surprise and fights for every dollar.

"FUCKING MOTHERFUCKER WTF ?!"

'Enjoy you're alive. I'd rather blow your head off now" Sebastian replied and left.

He returned to the casino as soon as possible. It was the most important piece of information, the main puzzle to solve the whole case. They might have started working before it was too fast to spread around town that the Roulette casino could be brazenly robbed.

Sebastian shared with Helena all the clues he had obtained. Without a moment's thought, she rushed to the phone and started calling known informants if anyone had heard of Datti's location . Unfortunately, silence, no one knew him and no one heard of him since he hid from the Italian mafia.

"The little fish don't know anything or don't want to sprinkle ..." she said, looking out the window. Sebastian had the impression that she was running out of ideas on what to do next.

'Maybe actually wait for an intimidation attempt? There is a chance he'll reveal himself. ”Helena didn't let him finish, she held up a hand to silence him.

'I won't wait, Sebastian. It's a perfect night to spill some blood, "she said with a slight smile on her face, then added," If the little fish don't know anything, let's see what the shark says. "

'It means ?'

'We're going to talk to All-Knowing-Mr-Chang , I think it might be a good move.' her green eyes flashed.

Sebastian felt as if she was getting excited about this whole situation.

***

The private line telephone began to ring. Chang picked up "Cho , if they're Cubans again with cocaine in their veins, fire them, I won't play business with junkies," he dropped after a hard day. From this morning, one of the cartel people wants to sell him the idea of cracking down on cocaine in Japan. Like a drugged man, full of vision, he only wasted his time.

'Of course boss, it's just ... they're not Cubans. Red Roulette and Sebastian are here asking for a meeting'

Somewhere in the background you could hear Helena's voice, who didn't like the phrase 'ask'. She clearly tried to correct that she required this meeting.

'Let them in'

Chang began to believe that this evening was not going to be written off after all. "But there are still people in this town who can keep me entertained," he thought. A moment later he heard the clap of heels and a knock on his office door.

'Come in'

Cho entered first and signaled that they could enter. Helena straightened her red hair quickly and walked in with a serious look.

"Why do I owe such a great visit," he asked, comfortably leaning against the desk.

'I'll be short because I don't have time. I know who ordered the theft and it was Dotti , a former member of the Italian Mafia, but I have no idea where he is ' she came close enough to rest her hands on his desk. The red nails tapped gently impatiently. Her green eyes, full of fury, waited for his reply. It was only then that he noticed that there was a tiny mole on her face next to her left eye. Right at the tip , as if it was waiting to be spotted under the cover of red waves of hair. The long black dress sparkled softly in the light, and Chang wished she would take a few steps back to see her leg emerging from the slit. The louder tapping of her nails brought him back to reality. He wanted to laugh at wandering his mind, but quickly gathered his thoughts.

"Of course, I know where he is. Boss of the italian mafia still makes me laugh that he can’t find this Dotti guy. I'll help you with him, " he replied, standing to put on his jacket.

'You misunderstood me, Mr. Chang. I don't want you to help me deal with him. Just give me his location, I'll do the rest myself. '

It made the corner of his mouth turn into a devilish smile. The predator's gaze shone from behind his black glasses . 

'Sorry, I misinterpreted your intentions. Then let me accompany you on this journey ”he offered her a hand, lowering his head as if inviting her to dance.

He was eager to see this confrontation unfold. And most of all, what she can do. As a new fish in town, she had to show that she could do more than sell information, otherwise it would be difficult for her. She could slide quickly to the very bottom of that Roanapur abyss .

'In that case, let's dance tonight' she smiled malevolently.

[sleepless-in-starbucks]

Earth, Pluto, and Sombrero Galaxy for the space asks ( ˘ ³˘)♥ ( ˘ ³˘)♥ ( ˘ ³˘)♥

Earth- Where’s your home?Because I like to be a Vague Shit I’mma answer with America. As soon as I can flee tho it’ll be Canada or somewhere fun.

Pluto- What time is it right now where you are?Hmmmm Triple Kiss I feel like you’re looking to tell me it’s bedtime again hmmmm. But for you’re information it’s about six thirty (by the time I finished the list tho it’s now like. eight thirty ish)

Sombrero Galaxy: Do you have a crush right now?Laughs in aroI do have several platonic crushes/squishes if that’s what you meant tho. And I am treating them just like one should treat crushes: telling no one and never facing my feelings. I’m good at this alright.

And idk if you saw the tags or not but you fell within the 90% chance of getting space Remy ranting because damnit I love him. In this case it’s more like... sneak peak at an idea for a fic I might write one day in the distant future of whenever school stops hating me though.

So it’s losleep because I’m predictable af

Remy who’s gone most of his life slowly having the life stomped out of him

He’s always loved space but no one wanted to listen

Like. Ever.

His rants got shorter and shorter until they just stopped happening

He started wearing his sunglasses both to hide his excitement when someone else starting talking about space (so he wouldn’t get called out or mocked) and to hide his hurt when he was mockingly called ‘starboy’(If anyone had meant it nicely, he would have loved that nickname)

He switched his constellation covered leather jacket for a plain one

By the time he made it to high school he was a whole different person

Dead inside, dead outside, missed half his classes (but still passed them all), sarcastic and generally considered the most infamous bad boy in the school

Logan of course wants nothing to do with him

Remy’s a mess, Logan’s not, and ap courses are hard enough without a bad influence

Remy doesn’t have the zeal or care to chase Logan in this one (which given my love of flirty Remy is so crazy, I know

)But a biology trip to an aquarium ends up with them as bus buddies

Logan expected to hate it but Remy’s normally quiet unless you give him something to sass so the ride there is surprisingly peacefully

And when they get there Remy lets Logan go wherever he wants and look at whatever (Remy mostly came on the trip because the teacher said it was mandatory to passing and he forgot to call in sick the morning of)Logan starts out just looking at the exhibits, pointing out a few facts

Remy doesn’t seem the most interested in what he’s saying, but sometimes his mouth will tip upwards just a little or an eyebrow raise will pass his shades

And Logan takes that positively and slowly but surely starts talking more and more and longer and longer until he finds one sign talking about sharks and just absolutely rants about all the sharks he can name, excitedly, making connections haphazardly as he jumps between species

Remy’s smile is nearly a grin at this point and damnit it’s a good thing he’s wearing sunglasses because the amount of pure adoration in his eyes was rather embarrassing

Logan glances over at him halfway through his explanation of thresher sharks- one he had been happily going on with for a full five minutes- and his speech falters, much to Remy’s disappointment

He mumbles an apology and starts to head for a different exhibit when Remy stops him like ‘??? why you stop’

And Logan looks disappointed in himself when he says he didn’t realize he had been going on so long, he is sincerely sorry, especially since Remy’s stuck with him and hence can’t walk away from his infodumping

Remy’s just ‘honey why would I want to walk away’

Logan is Surprised because like poor Remy no one’s ever wanted to listen to him rant

He tries to call Remy on faking interest and then Remy recites several new shark facts right back at him so it seems he does care

Logan’s still on edge about ranting more in the aquarium but Remy pokes him a lot for more info, and they spend the entire ride back chatting about it (read: Remy slowly falls more and more in love with Logan while the nerd continues to explain every wonder of the deep sea he can come up with)

The school has a whole scandal over the smartest kid suddenly hanging out a lot with the bad boy

They wonder what they’re planning when really every lunch is just a chance to do more ocean info dumping

As they get closer, conversation shifts into more areas: into different sciences, into maths (most of which is Remy squinting suspiciously at Logan for understanding all the formulas), into talking about fashion and movies and everything under the sun, really, except space

Logan’s started to notice how Remy will pause whenever the topic moves to space before skillfully redirecting them into another topic

Logan knows that hesitation- the hesitation of wanting to say so much and fearing it’ll be shot down immediately, a sort of fear that’s not natural so much as it is taught, and he starts to wonder if Remy’s as uncaring as he likes to pretend he is

After all, Logan came to high school swearing off feelings in general, along with ocean talk- avoiding not only a specific type of ridicule but avoiding getting hurt by any insults

It’s not that far of a stretch to assume Remy did something similar, just in a different way

So Logan, using his Big Brain suggests that one of their study dates (yeah they started having study dates a while ago. techincally they’re not dating, just studying/chatting but like,,,,,,,,,,,,, yeah) happens closer to night, sprouting some mostly bs about the brain absorbing more information at night

Remy doesn’t see anything coming so he agrees

They start off studying in Logan’s house but then Logan says he needs a break and starts to head outside

Remy’s confused as to why he’s heading outside but Logan says he likes to breathe the fresh air

When Remy questions why Logan needs to breathe the fresh air on the roof of his house Logan says he likes the height

Remy just shrugs it off and follows him because a) he’s not expecting a trap and b) Logan’s cute he wants to follow him alright

Logan, beautiful smart magnificent Logan, starts casually talking about the stars

He doesn’t know a lot about them, he notes, and then points at a random one and casually wonders out loud about what it’s named

Remy has an answer suspiciously quickly (normally he’d be more reserved but, and I will continue to say this, Logan a Cutie. he wants to impress him)

Logan slowly lures him deeper into the trap by starting with praise (’I didn’t know that. thank you for telling me.’) and follow-up questions (’what’s that one next to it?’ ‘is it a part of any major constellations?’)Remy slowly but surely gets more into it, short one-word explanations morphing into descriptions that morph into histories and exact chemical compositions (or at least what they’re believed to be) and ages and more

At some point he took his sunglasses off to see better and Logan could not be more in love

His eyes are literally sparkling, and now that Logan can see his eyes he sees they’re coffee brown with golden specks like the stars are literally in his eyes, which is a rather romantic comparison coming from Logan, but he’s pretty sure it’s just the truth

Remy’s never been as alive as he is in that moment, and Logan wants the moment to never end, to watch Remy continue to point and gesture and explain, jumping between history and mythology and science, and Logan’s suddenly unsure why he ever questioned Remy’s ability to do so well in school- he’s just always been hiding his reasons for knowing so much

Exactly like Logan did, he glances over for a moment, and Logan was ready to faint at the utter joy on his face, and ready to cry at how quickly it died as Remy shut his mouth like a steel trap

His apology is brief, just a tough ‘sorry’ followed by a ‘we should probably get back to studying...’He tries to leave and Logan grabs his arm before he can, getting him a confused stare that’s both hopeful and pained

Logan askes why he stopped

Remy says something about boring Logan/getting in the way of study time/other miscellaneous bs

And Logan just goes ‘I don’t think you could ever bore me. Especially not with such an interesting topic. And one you enjoy so thoroughly’

Remy’s highkey ‘excuse me lies are mean’

‘good thing I’m not lying then’

Remy: :O

Remy’s further attempts to avoid the issue eventually lead to Logan just stating the obvious of ‘you listened to me infodump about the ocean why can’t I listen to you infodump about the universe’

‘this is different’

‘I find that doubtful’

‘the ocean is really interesting, who wouldn’t want to listen to a rant about it- and hey you looked so cute and happy to, I mean it would be criminal not to listen-’

‘the universe is just as interesting as the oceans, arguably more so. and the way you phrase that, as if you are not just as cute and happy- unarguably more so- is quite misleading’

Remy’s been minorly murdered by both genuine interest in his interest and also that compliment

He finally mutters something about starboy (’but I’m just starboy...’)

Logan’s Confusion and when Remy mumbles how that’s what all the middle school classmates called him he’s minorly (read: MAJORLY) furious

Like yeah he went through the same thing but doing this to Remy ??? illegal

He says so

Remy scoffs

Logan says so again, but with more feeling

Remy scoffs again but with less feeling. He mentions, offhandedly, that is wasn’t really that bad of a nickname- it was the venom everyone had in their tone when they said it that made it awful

Logan Sees An Opening And Makes His Move

He scoots closer to Remy and gently cups his face and turns him to look at him, and softly, so softly, a whisper in the night, lost as quickly as a speck of sand from the top to the bottom of the hourglass in the light wind, he says,

‘then let’s lose the venom’ quietly quietly ‘and you can be my starboy’ a promise, a lovely promise, lovelier than any promise Remy has heard before, so sincere, so perfect, and sworn beneath a starry sky of cloudless night, where every star will hold that promise and watch it too completion, galaxies swirling in beautiful normality as they inch closer and closer like stars too close and spiraling towards each other until they meet, and instead of the vast darkness of a black hole forming something so bright it would sear your eyes right out of your face explodes into existence instead

A lovely night to fall in love and be loved for all of you, even the bits the world tried to force you to hide

[elven-ariaera]

Read the New Leaf Diaries first here!

Start from NH Diaries part 1: Permanent Island Getaway

Day 7

Kitt moved in this morning. It felt so good to have her back in my life. I did not realize how nostalgic I would get already, but no matter what, I am sticking with my plan to move forward. Citytown is behind me, and Islandtown is my future.

I got a free tee-shirt in the mail from Dodo Airlines. Audie didn’t seem to care much about it and gave me a lecture on fashion. I guess she does know what she’s talking about. Maybe I should pawn it off on some poor unsuspecting fool…

Until then, all I can do is think about my life choices while wearing this dumb dodo shirt…

That night a terrifying thing happened. A tarantula appeared and tried to get Audie! Luckily for her, I had a bug net in hand. I crept up next to the little sucker and swiped my net! …Only to miss and get bitten by the arachnid. Luckily she dragged me back to my house and all was well again. 

You know, that’s a reoccurrence that I could never quite figure out. Whenever I am bitten by a spider or stung by bees to the point of passing out, I always wind up back in my home. Who is taking me there? Is that you, Antonio? 

Day 8

I caught a Whale Shark! I thought about doing a little more fishing after my excellent finds two nights ago and my word I’ve done it again! Sure it was the most ridiculously heavy thing I’ve ever had to reel in — I’m surprised the line didn’t snap — but I did it!

I brought it to Blathers to give it a nice new home in the museum. Let me tell you, finding a plastic baggie big enough to bring it in was its own challenge. He told me some interesting tidbits about the gentle giant. Learning can be fun sometimes!

Is that an actual option?

I had also been working on a garden for a while now and I must say it is really coming along! I’m so pleased… That’s it. There’s no punchline. Not everything in life is a joke! Can’t I just have a moment of serenity for once in my life?

Oh, I had nearly forgotten! Stitches finally moved in! I’m not sure why he was the last one to move in when I asked him first, but I guess he had a lot of things to unpack. I visited him to welcome him to the neighborhood as he unpacked and he was very persistent about cleaning the back left corner of his home… Even though the entire floor was coated in dirt.

In other news, Audie and I have continued to bond and I’ve learned some things about her. She might not be as innocent as I initially thought…

I didn’t realize you played Smash Bros too!

But then we got to chatting about movies and it turns out she’s writing one. A rock-opera to be exact. While I was genuinely interested, its plot was a little hard to follow…

Really, all the neighbors and I have been getting along rather well. I jumped in on a conversation between Bud and Kitt, though, and it seems they have rather opposite tastes. Literally.

All these wacky shenanigans that go on in this town, I swear, it’d make for some kind of sitcom. I actually just received a cartoonist set from Kitt earlier, perhaps I’ll try my hand at it sometime. For now, these journals will have to suffice.

Day 9

I had gotten a new room expansion for my house the other day and it seems that word spread quickly! Audie has been dying to come over and see the place since the first day, but now she has sort of been inviting herself over. 

It’s not that I don’t want her over, she’s easily become my best friend of all the island’s residents that live here. I simply want to gussy up the place before she comes. Still, she remains persistent… Is this what Antonio felt like about my persistence? 

…Man, what a great feeling to be loved and admired so much.

I headed over to check in on Stitches today seeing as he was still new to island life. He seems to be progressing rather quickly and is already doing stuff.

On another note, he keeps insisting that he has bug friends who live inside the floor and whisper things to him while he sleeps. Should I be concerned? 

Mabel dropped by today to set up shop in the town plaza. I always enjoy her selection of clothing to pick from. She’s also quite the trooper — It rained practically all day today, and still, she stood outside waiting for potential customers. I do think I was the only one though…

She just stands there… Menacingly!

Later that night Audie insisted on coming over again. I did explain to her that I was waiting for the renovations on my new room aka extension walk-in closet to be finished before anyone saw, and she seemed to understand, so we went back to her place to chat for a while. I found it a little ironic that she didn’t want me to snoop around her house yet she kept trying to persuade me to invite her over to my house… Does she have a secret shrine of me? 

…That would be so sweet! She’s the best friend I ever had!

We later went on a late-night stroll and things got real. I told her about my previous fishing escapades and she kept freaking out. It seems she has a severe case of ichthyophobia. 

Day 10

The resident’s hall was under construction and they have now finished and revealed the new and improved plaza. It looks magnificent! Nook had even gotten new help from off-island. He hired Isabelle, my assistant from back home. I guess Citytown isn’t doing so hot without me… 

Now I have no quarrel with Isabelle under normal circumstances, but I can’t help but feel that Nook is trying to replace me. I am your island representative, not her! Don’t you dare get any ideas…

Ugh, Isabelle, you make it so hard to hate you when you act so precious!

Anyway, it’s clear that I’m still the favorite of the residents. Stitches came by and gave me a house-warming gift even though he was the one who just moved in… Still, it was much appreciated.

I dropped by the town hall today to carry on business as usual, but of course, Tom Nook just had to rave about what a great help Isabelle would be. I mean, sure, she did let me change the flag because of my magnificent artistic potential, but that doesn’t change anything! I’ve got my eye on you, Isabelle…

Btw, the flag looks fabulous. 

Other business included the construction of a suspension bridge. Of course, most of that money was coming out of my pocket, but still, if it could save me from a pole-vaulting accident, I’d gladly pay the majority.

I decided to look for more resources to sell off-island and the dodo’s brought me to a wonderful place. They brought me to an island filled with rare hybrid colored cosmos growing all over! It was truly a sight to behold! My garden would look absolutely stunning with some of these added in the variety! Why haven’t these dodo-brains ever brought me here before? Oh…

In addition, I think my talk with Audie yesterday night helped her overcome her fear of fish. But I still don’t think she understands how fishing works…

Day 11

I still needed to make some money for that suspension bridge, so I thought a little bug catching and tree shaking would do the trick. Kitt called out to me, asking if I was having a fun time bug catching. She then apologized for assuming, and though she did assume correctly, I appreciate her earnest apology. 

We also opened a campsite today! To think, the future resident of my town would soon be here! Nook was very persistent about persuading people to settle down here, and I couldn’t agree more. I wonder what kind of animal they would be? I wonder if maybe… No. Certainly he wouldn’t be there…

Enough stressing myself out over the thought of my future resident. I also took another mystery flight from Dodo Airlines to see what magnificent isle they might bring me to today. Yesterdays “Hybrid Island,” as I am thoughtfully dubbing it, was a sight to behold. How could they ever top that?

In short, they didn’t. They brought me to an island where every fish in the river was a black bass. Every. Single. One.

I hate you all…

As awful as that experience was, I had to be grateful that the ocean fish were not all sea basses. Ugh. I shudder at the very thought of such a place even existing. Still, I complained to their manager. I had already booked a Nook Miles Ticket in advance, so their flight tomorrow had better be good!

All the neighbors today kept stressing out about the Happy Home Designers committee and I just couldn’t understand why. They give you nice presents if you do a good job decorating your home, right? Well, when speaking to Audie, she presented it to me in a whole different way. I’ll never look at the Happy Home community the same way again…

A friend of mine had invited me and another chum over to his island later that evening. It was a delightful night filled with picnics and hide-and-go-seek.

I also met someone. Roald. His eyes were so striking, I could not look away. With that and his chiseled features, one could easily… No. Stop it. You are a one-anteater kind of woman! Someday he’ll come back. I know he will. Until then, I must resist the sweet temptations of this gorgeous hunk of penguin. 

Oh, you lift? I can tell…

Day 12

Today’s the day~

We have a guest at the campsite! Oh, I can’t wait to meet them! I’m so excited that I had to write about it the first minute I got up today! This lucky fellow isn’t even aware that they’re going to be our future resident! Ooo, I’m so excited! I have to go! I’ll write more when I get back tonight!

I don’t want to talk about it. Ugh, but I have to vent somewhere, don’t I?

Our guest today was Graham, the hamster. Ugh. I do not like Graham. Why? He’s such a wannabe poser! He claims he’s a celebrity and uses corny terms all the time. He greeted me by saying “Bonjourno!” and later exclaimed his excitement by shouting “Guten Tag!” First — that’s not even the same language as you were faking before, second, you’re not using that phrase properly! Don’t think I’m not onto you, hamster.

To make matters worse, he doesn’t even refer to me by my name. He just calls me “Hey, you!” Do you even know who I am, pal? I’m more a celebrity than you’ll ever be!

Ugh, after that nightmare finally ended (for now,) I needed a bit of joy in my life. Stitches was the perfect friend to brighten my day. But then I screwed that up too — I thought it would be cute to give him a stuffed Panda Bear, and then I remembered he is a stuffed bear. Oh, my dear sweet Stitches, I am so very sorry.

Then Gulliver washed up on my shore again. Even he is aware of my excess loads of free time so, of course, I had to help him…

I decided it was time to just take a breather and use that Nook Miles Ticket I had. I looked the pilot dead in the eyes before we took off and said, “I swear, if you bring me to black bass island one more time, it will be the last thing you ever do.” Needless to say, he brought me to Bell Rock island today. I went to the island with 5,000 bells and came home with 87,000. I am one satisfied customer.

By the way, how does that work? I understand when I chip away at a rock and things like stone or clay fall from it, but bells? Perhaps bells are actually a type of stone valued so much by the animal people it’s used as currency? You see, I could accept that, but the fact that sometimes it flies out of the rock wrapped in little bags, it just baffles me!

Well, with all my profits from that trip I managed to pay for another bridge. Audie and I were discussing how this would benefit us by not having to use the vaulting poles anymore.

Also, Kitt hurt my feelings today too. She said that my style was basic. She could see I was a bit upset by this, so she covered it up by saying she meant I wore basics well, but I knew what she really meant. I’m starting to remember why I let her move from Citytown…

Yeah, well, your hat doesn’t match your jacket!

Though this day was full of ups and downs, the final part of my story ends with the highest high one could feel. Later in the evening, I thought I should attempt to find the rumored Tarantula Island. I haven’t had any luck finding a specimen for the museum, so certainly I would be able to find one in a place literally named after the creature. But I did not find the island. However, what I found was even better. Love.

I got off the plane, and lo and behold, there he was. My precious, my darling — Antonio was there! I ran to his side, thrilled to see him, nearly jumping into his arms — but I controlled myself.

We talked and talked, catching up on life since we last saw each other. It turned out he was doing a survival training challenge, which is why he was out on the island. Typical Antonio. Still, his training was doing him wonders, ooh, those muscles!

He also noticed how much I have been toning myself as well, what with all this island hopping and hard labor Nook tasks me with.

He off-hand mentioned that he’d love to his island training full time, so I took the opportunity and asked him to move in with me— I mean, to Islandtown. After everything that had happened between us, I thought perhaps I came on a bit too strong, but he answered in the affirmative. Antonio, sweet, sweet, Antonio, is going to be part of my village once again!

Despite all the bad things that happened today, I can rest easy knowing my favorite animal is going to be with me.

Day 13

Graham was the first one to move in today, but Antonio will be here tomorrow! I’m so excited! Audie and I got together and talked about it all morning. It was funny because she was watching a romance movie the day before and had an inkling something special might happen!

But sadly, poor little Stitches was sick today! I immediately ran over when Kitt told me the news and brought him some medicine. He was feeling a lot better afterward, but I told him he should still rest inside for the day.

I proceeded from there to go to the Town Hall as Tom Nook had requested for my assistance — MY assistance, not Isabelle’s… Okay, Isabelle’s too. Ugh.

If you think for one second that I’m your task force you’ve got another thing coming…

Anyway, the two of them asked me to keep inviting new residents to live in our town. Easy enough! I knew plenty of people from back home who would love to live here! I called up my girl Whitney from back home and invited her to camp out with us here on the island. I figured we’d hang out a bit and then I’d ask her about moving in.

She was thrilled when I called her and came over immediately. We had such a good time catching up, it’s been so long! These past few days have been overwhelming me with emotion with so many familiar faces.

However, when I mentioned that Whitney should move to Islandtown, she didn’t say no, but she didn’t quite feel ready yet. I get it. Citytown is a great place. I mean, it’s less great now that I’m not mayor anymore, but it’s still pretty cool. I’ll invite her over again after she’s thought it over a bit.

Oh! With my garden doing so well, I decided to set up my own little flower shop right outside my house. I stood there for three hours today and not a single customer. Mabel, I applaud your patience and durability.

I was hoping to raise a bit of money through this stand to set up a bridge. You see, when I picked a spot for Antonio’s house to be, I didn’t realize he had no connection to the other parts of the island. It was imperative that I got this bridge funded and finished by tonight. Luckily I had some help from friends to donate enough bells for the project to be completed. It took a lot of hard work and a lot of fishing…

But it will all be worth it. Tomorrow, my prince charming moves to town. 

A Residents Representatives work is never done! With so many tasks to complete and more residents moving in, how will our solo human villager handle the heat? Read the New Leaf Diaries first here! Start from NH Diaries part 1: Permanent Island Getaway…

[pizzahorse]

Title: Always In Your Shadow

Description: Webby thought Lena was gone for good. Turns out, best friends never go very far.

Webby walked through the halls of McDuck Manor, as she often had in the past. Though she had formerly traversed them when bored or lonely, more often she did so to clear her head and think. With the addition of Scrooge's family to the estate, the halls were not so often empty anymore, and Webby was not so often bored.

But after the recent battle with Magica De Spell, her frequent walks had become lonely again. The triplets knew things had been especially hard on Webby, and took every opportunity to keep her occupied, trying to keep her mind off the loss of her friend. They considered themselves her friends too, but knew very well the deep bond the two had shared, akin to their own bond as brothers.

Sometimes, Webby just liked being alone.

During one such walk, she encountered some strange occurrences. She was fiddling with her woven friendship bracelet, which she never took off since it served as one of the only reminders of Lena she had. Suddenly, she felt a light gust of wind blow just past her ear, and she could have sworn she heard her name being whispered. She whirled around, expecting to find one of the boys playing a prank.

"Huey? Dewey? Louie?" she called out their names. There was very little on this Earth that she feared, but since Magica De Spell had escaped after their previous confrontation, she'd been on edge. True, Magica had lost most of her power in the fight, but she'd still gained a body, and there were many other magical items in this world that could result in her return.

But there was no one.

Webby scowled. It was her mind playing tricks on her. The house was old and prone to draftiness. She should have known that. A little breeze meant nothing. She continued her walk, but with an added air of caution, just in case.

As she moved along, starting to relax and enjoy her quiet time, she felt something brush against her ankle, and she was so surprised she nearly tripped. But there was no one else around, and the triplets weren't that good at pranking without laughing, so she knew from the silence it couldn't possibly be them, especially a second time.

The young duckling decided it would probably be best to head back towards the rest of the family. If Magica was lurking around, she might not be able to fight her off on her own. There were also a number of other dark forces in the universe which could be haunting the manor, but in any case she stood a better chance if she wasn't alone.

When passing a mirror, Webby thought she saw movement out of the corner of her eye. When she looked up, again there was nothing and no one. Again, tricks of the mind, this time no doubt from her extra caution and hurried pace. Webby stared at the mirror for several moments, squinting her eyes in hopes of catching another glimpse of whatever she had seen before.

Just when she was about to carry on with her walk, she noticed her own shadow behind her. And the fact that it had a pair of white glowing eyes. Webby jumped back, turning towards her secret follower, throwing up her fists in preparation for the foe to come to life and attempt to duel with her.

But curiously, it didn't rise up from the ground and attack. Instead, it snarked, "Took you long enough."

"Lena?!" Webby stepped back in shock, bumping into the mirror.

"That's my name, don't wear it out," she replied from behind.

Webby turned to look in the mirror, and there, staring back at her, was her best friend. "Lena!" she yelled again. "You're alive? But how? Where have you been? I'm so glad to see you! I wish I could hug you right now. How did you get in that mirror?"

"Slow your roll, one question at a time," Lena laughed. "Magica hit me pretty hard with her staff. I don't think I would have survived if I wasn't wearing your friendship bracelet. It connected us together. When she tried to destroy me, I thought that was it. But somehow, I got transferred into your bracelet, sort of, I guess. I needed some time to recover, but now I tag along with your shadow, live in your dreams, and inhabit mirrors sometimes. Don't ask me how it works, it's magic," she shrugged. "I just know that I'm only alive- well, as alive as I ever was- because you felt so strongly about me."

"Now I really want to hug you!" Webby flattened her arms against the mirror as tears spilled from her eyes. "I've missed you so much. I never thought I'd see you again."

"I didn't expect to see you again, either. I don't even know how I'm still here if Magica isn't. I was her shadow," Lena sat down and crossed her legs, and Webby followed suit. "I know that while she kept me around, I absorbed a lot of her magic. I was even able to use it of my own will. Remember the money shark? I used her powers to rescue you. She wanted me to grab the dime but I chose to save you instead. Shadows aren't supposed to make their own decisions. They aren't supposed to actually be alive. They don't have free will," she sighed, placing her chin in her palm and resting her elbow on her leg.

Something seemed to dawn on her as she sat staring at Webby. "Maybe you believing in me was what made me really, well, real. I don't think that I ever truly felt "real" until you treated me like a person. Nobody had ever done that before. I mean, I guess I wasn't around that long and the only people I interacted with were you and your family, but still."

Webby frowned. "But you always knew you were a part of Magica De Spell. You would have been safe if you stayed as her shadow. I know you're my friend, but why would you sacrifice yourself? You could have ceased to exist. You didn't know the bracelet would save you."

Lena thought for a moment. "When I was with you in The Other Bin, the dreamcatcher revealed my worst nightmare. How could a shadow even have nightmares? How could they have any dreams at all? I started to realize that the bracelet you gave me wasn't just a silly sentimental trinket. It made me more like a genuine person," Lena pulled back her sleeve so she could look down at her bracelet.

"I never told you what my dream was. In my nightmare, I destroyed you. My worst fear wasn't just about losing the most important person in the world to me, but being responsible for it. So when it became a reality after Magica escaped, I couldn't let it happen. Not again," Lena shook her head.

"So, are you trapped forever?" Webby asked.

"I don't know," Lena replied. "Magica freed me once, gave me a solid body and a thinking mind and maybe even some semblance of a soul. But I don't have her powers anymore. I'm back to being a shadow."

Webby jumped to her feet. "There's got to be some kind of magic in the world that can bring you back! Magica was trapped for years without a body, and she was able to return. And she gave you a body, somehow. I know that you were real. I hugged you. I felt you. You were- you are- still a real person. You're more than a shadow to me. Always were, always will be."

Lena grinned back. "Thanks, Webby. For never giving up on me. Even when I give up on myself."

Webby smiled back, placing her hand on the cool glass, feeling so close but so far away from Lena. She glanced at her bracelet, and came up with an idea. "Our bracelets connect us, right? And they hold some sort of power, right?"

"Yeah, it seems that way," Lena shrugged.

"What if we cast a spell like the one I tried when we were in the Money Bin? Maybe I can get you out of there!" Webby was smiling from ear to ear, overjoyed at the possibility of getting her best friend back.

Lena considered the proposal. "I guess it's worth a try. But I don't know if it will work, or what could happen. Be careful."

"Here, put your hand on mine. The one with the bracelet," she pointed to the correct appendage.

Lena did what she was told, still skeptical of Webby's plan. Being trapped wasn't ideal, but neither was the possibility that Webby could get hurt.

The younger duck cleared her throat, and then began to chant, "My best friend, you took from me, let her now at last be free! Shining glass wrapped up in elm, release Lena into this realm!" she repeated the phrase, closing her eyes as she tried to concentrate, hoping desperately that this would work.

Their bracelets glowed in unison, and after a few moments Webby felt fingers intertwine with her own. She opened her eyes to see Lena pressing against the glass, trying to break free from her otherworldly prison. Webby pulled with all her strength, and Lena's arm was halfway out before it suddenly pulled back, Webby's shoulder knocking into the mirror as Lena's grip left hers.

"No!" Webby yelled, falling to her knees as their bracelets stopped glowing. Lena, too, on the other side of the mirror, dropped to the floor.

"Webby, it's not going to work. The magic is too strong," Lena hung her head in defeat.

"We were so close!" Webby got back on her feet.

"I know. Our friendship was strong enough to save me. But maybe it's not strong enough to sever whatever magic is keeping me here," Lena sighed.

"I'm going to free you, Lena," Webby laid her forehead against the mirror and placed both fists on it passionately. "You're my best friend. I lost you once. I can't lose you again. I can't," she shook her head. "I know there's a way," she looked up at the trapped duck, eyes full of determination, "I just have to find it."

If you liked this story and would like to see more Lena/Webby content from me, I'm currently taking commissions: http://gaygemgoddess.tumblr.com/post/176715746436/

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The Bling Ring II, 2018's Least Wanted Reboot

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Reboots have officially jumped the shark.

We’re not sure whether the world needed a fifth version of A Star is Born or the 2018 edition of the Furby, but we have them both and early views bode well for both.

It is also true that the problem of repetition is not exactly modern. The phrase “there is no new thing under the sun,” is so old it is attributed to King Solomon in the book of Ecclesiastes. That said, at the point when crime sprees are getting in on the trend, we may have officially reached the point where we can definitively say there is one reboot too many in the world.

We’re talking specifically about The Bling Ring Redux.

The Bling Ring Rides Again

Earlier in the week it was reported that the Los Angeles police department arrested a criminal gang composed of three teenage boys and one of their mothers in connection with a string of high-profile robberies.

According to the LAPD, they were arrested after being pulled over in South LA. The trio allegedly had just robbed the home of Los Angeles Rams receiver Robert Woods. In the car was reportedly $50,000 in cash as well as assorted jewelry, watches and handbags. The mother of one of the teens was also charged in the case, in connection with a firearm also recovered from the car.

At the time, the police did not believe the suspects were involved in anything more than a single robbery.

However.

“During recent months, the Los Angeles Police Department has become aware of residential burglaries targeting actors, producers, musicians, and professional athletes living in the Los Angeles area,” said Lillian L. Carranza, captain of LAPD’s commercial crimes division, during a press conference.

The trio were eventually connected to burglaries at the homes of Rihanna, Los Angeles Dodgers outfielder Yasiel Puig, Christina Milian and her boyfriend, French singer Matthieu “M. Pokora” Tota. Rihanna’s burglary marks her second in recent months — in May a 26-year-old man was charged with burglary and stalking after allegedly breaking into her home and staying there 12 hours. The latest crew seemed much less interested in hanging out — and though there are no reports on what was taken, police have confirmed that damage to the singer’s home was “extensive.”

According to police reports the suspects planned to hit the homes of LeBron James, Viola Davis and Matt Damon next.

They were dubbed by local and national media channels “The Bling Ring” given their love of stealing shiny things — mostly jewelry — from homes of famous people, like the previous holders of the title.

The More Dramatic Original  

The original Bling Ring was a group of mostly of young women from upper-middle class California suburbs who between October of 2008 and August of 2009 collectively stole more than $3 million in jewelry and high-end designer goods from people like Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Rachel Bilson and Megan Fox, among others. All of the suspects were described as “club kids” who were according a Vanity Fair piece “obsessed with celebrity culture.”

The original Bling Ring also had a few more bizarre twists and turns, including an impassioned voicemail from one of its members on what she felt was an unflattering portrayal of her story in the Vanity Fair piece.

“I opened up to you so that way the world could potentially know what a great, amazing, talented, strong, healthy girl that I am, not even a girl, young woman. I am PETRIFIED, petrified with this story! I am so disappointed. And I’m letting you know that I will clear this up. Have a nice life, bye.”

Then there was the ironic twist that this person also ended up sharing a cell with Lindsay Lohan during the month she spent in prison in connection with the robbery spree.

But unlike their more current version, the earlier Bling Ring kept much of what they stole, especially the designer shoes and jewelry. Today’s Bling Ring wants the cash and, according to reports, was interested in selling those stolen goods on eBay.

The Instagram Problem

Social media channels, particularly the photo-based Instagram, are excellent places for celebrities to connect with their fans — and show off their stuff. And this is done for very good commercial reasons — celebrity influencers have a well-established track record of using social media to kick of trends in cosmetics, fashion, jewelry and consumer electronics.

But the downside to social media is that it’s also an excellent information channel for the dishonest. It offers the world a detailed inventory of one’s most valuable possessions, along with an exact schedule of when one will not be home to guard them. The LAPD lieutenant investigating the most recent round of Bling Ring-style thefts noted that the boys in the group had targeted celebrities and professional athletes based on their touring schedules and social-media posts.

The original Bling Ring participants noted the same habits, though slightly adjusted for the time. Instagram wasn’t an option the first time around, but they did use social channels like Twitter and Facebook, combined with Google Maps data, to give them a clear idea of where the people they wanted to rob lived — and when those people would not be at home.

For most consumers, the risk is that the information available online about them can be co-opted by cyber thieves for digital fraud. For the rich, famous and heavily followed online, the threat is that the bolder thieves and fraudsters of the world are collecting that personal information — and making house calls.

Police continue to investigate the Bling Ring Redux  in Los Angeles, noting that they believe the scheme is larger than the four participants they have in custody.

The good news? Sort of? According to experts, the same tactics and tendencies that make it easier for potential thieves to smash and grab celebrity goods also make it easier for the authorities to eventually catch up with those thieves. Simply said: showing one’s ill-gotten gains on social media is a common, but not terribly smart, move.

“Criminals may be smart when it comes to operational planning,” Simon Atkinson, a former British Army officer trained in covert operations who now works for the Glasgow-based Athena Security & Intelligence Consultants, told Town and Country. “But the unintelligent ones are often caught because they flaunt what they’ve done: buying expensive cars and posting pictures of them on Facebook. It also makes it easy to find informants.”

The trick is to turn the jewelry into cold cash, but anything from a high-profile robbery is tough to flip quickly on the open market as legitimate buyers will question where the items came from — maybe even using some of those same social media channels to check on items.

Moreover, Atkinson noted, thieves who steal high-profile goods from high-profile people often find they have a problem on their hands. Unless, like the original Bling Ringers, a thief is looking to keep trophies, stolen items have limited use because they are difficult to sell when the authorities are on the lookout for them. Stealing stuff, Atkinson noted, is often much, much easier than selling it.

So even when crime gets a reboot, it generally always ends the same way — in handcuffs.

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DGB Grab Bag: Look Out, Mitch Marner, Easter Bunny Larocque, and Everyone Re-Lax

Three Stars of Comedy

The third star: Artemi Panarin. I don’t fully understand what’s going on here, but I’m pretty sure he’s making fun of the Edmonton Oilers so I’m in.

The second star: Brody Marleau. That would be Patrick Marleau’s nine-year-old son. He got to spend his birthday with the Maple Leafs, which was adorable. He’s also apparently working on stealing Mitch Marner’s girlfriend, which is somehow more adorable.

The first star: Guy Boucher’s face. Fun fact: He’s not even reacting to anything in particular here, he’s just been making this face constantly since mid-November.

Outrage of the Week

The issue: Washington’s Evgeny Kuznetsov tried to score with the behind-the-net lacrosse move this week.

A few nights later, Filip Forsberg tried it, too.

The outrage: That move is disrespectful and anyone who tries it should eat an elbow for their troubles.

Is it justified: OK, I’m overselling the outrage here a bit—it’s not like anybody went nuclear on Kuznetsov or Forsberg. But that’s mainly because their moves didn’t work. If either guy had scored, you can bet that plenty of old-school hockey types would have pulled out their soapboxes and pontificated about hot-shot glory boys disrespecting the game and showing up the other side.

And here’s the thing: It’s going to happen. It’s kind of amazing that it hasn’t happened already.

The move has been around for a while; most of us saw it for the first time when Mike Legg scored with it in college back in 1996. But as best we can remember, nobody’s ever scored with it in a meaningful NHL game. Kuznetsov may even have been the first player to try it all. That’s kind of weird, because it’s not like today’s players can’t do it. Many of them weren’t even born yet when Legg pulled it off, and they’ve grown up trying it; Sidney Crosby did it all the way back in junior. Every NHL team has a few guys who can pull the move off reasonably well in practice. Heck, your beer-league team probably has a few guys who claim they can.

But nobody ever does, at least not in the NHL, because it’s one of those things you’re just not supposed to do. When Crosby did it in 2003, he was ripped by Don Cherry and others for showboating, and he hasn’t broken it out since. Plenty of fans still feel like there’s something wrong with the move.

If you’re one of those fans, I’ve got bad news for you: We’re probably a few years away from players doing this all the time. It’s going to be like the between-the-legs shot that nobody ever tried until the 90s. At first, you couldn’t believe what you’d just seen. Within a few years, Marek Malik was doing it in the shootout, and now it’s just a standard play that everyone tries.

The same thing is going to happen with the lacrosse move. (My personal prediction: One of the many guys who can already do it is going to wait for playoff overtime to break it out for real.) When it does, the old school will complain the first few times, but then we’ll get used to it, and the next generation of fans will wonder why there was ever a time when players weren’t supposed to score with moves they knew would work.

If that bothers you, get your complaining in now. In five years, we’ll look back and wonder what the problem was.

Obscure Former Player of the Week

Happy Easter weekend. Today’s obscure player is Bunny Larocque.

Larocque, who’s given name was Michel, was a junior star with the Ottawa 67s in the late 60s and early 70s. He was drafted with the sixth overall pick by the Canadiens in 1972—yes, yet another case of the team using a high pick on a goalie they didn’t really need. Unlike poor Ray Martynuik, Larocque at least got to play in Montreal, where he served as Ken Dryden’s backup during the late-70s Habs dynasty and took over as the part-time starter after Dryden retired. He even won the Vezina four times. Granted, that was back when it was awarded automatically to the goalies on the team with the fewest goals against, like the Jennings is today, but saying “four-time Vezina winner” sounds impressive so we’ll go with that.

His run in Montreal came to an end in 1981, when he was traded to Toronto. The Leafs were terrible, but it gave Larocque a chance to finally be the full-time starter, playing a career-high 50 games in 1981-82. He was traded to the Flyers in 1983 and later had a short stint with the Blues. In all, his NHL career lasted 11 seasons and 312 starts. He began a front-office career in junior hockey, but died in 1992 at the age of 40 after a battle with brain cancer.

Although all those Stanley Cups and Vezinas in Montreal were nice, it goes without saying that his true career highlight came as a Maple Leaf. On January 16, 1982, he got to face down Wayne Gretzky on a penalty shot.

Larocque stood on his head that whole night, and the Leafs won 7-1. Meanwhile, the great 1976-79 Habs “dynasty” never beat the Oilers, not even once. You tell me which team was better.

Be It Resolved

Be it resolved that it’s OK to just say the Golden Knights are the best expansion team ever, in any sport.

Really. It’s fine. Honestly, it’s probably not even up for debate. It’s also a great story, one the NHL should be singing it from the rooftops.

And to their credit, the league is trying. But it has run into a problem: The whole concept of an “expansion” team turns out to be a lot murkier than you might think, and that makes comparing the Knights to what’s come before tricky. Sure, teams like the 1998-99 Predators and the 1974-75 Capitals were expansion teams. But what about the 1979 WHA merger? Or the new teams that showed up in the 1920s and 30s? Do the 1991 Sharks even count, since they got to start with half the North Stars roster?

And so the league has had to go through contortions in order to recognize the Golden Knights without leaving anybody out. For a while they kept using the phrase “inaugural season.” More recently, it’s just “first NHL season.”

That clears up the semantics, but it doesn’t really do the Knights justice. It also leads to weird stuff like that tweet having to include teams from the league’s very first season, which hardly makes sense.

And if you try to expand the argument to other pro sports, it goes even more off the rails:

You can see what they’re trying to do, but I’m pretty sure I wrote essays in college that were shorter than that tweet. And let’s be honest, the NBA can say whatever it wants, but the 2002-03 Hornets aren’t an expansion team. Nor are teams that join from other leagues, or that show up in 1923 because some railroad tycoon got together six friends and $100 in cash and was granted an NHL team to play out of his backyard.

The Golden Knights are an expansion team. And they’re the best one ever, in any major sport. It’s fine to just say that.

Classic YouTube Clip Breakdown

Sunday is April Fool’s day. The hockey world isn’t much for pranks these days, beyond the beaten-into-the-ground “make the rookie call-up skate a lap by himself” joke and the occasional trying-a-bit-too-hard social-media bit. There was a time when hockey folks were allowed to have a sense of humor, though. We saw it last year when we unearthed an old Buffalo Sabres clip. This year, let’s hear from Dave Taylor and the Los Angeles Kings.

We start off with MSG throwing it to a clip from LA. Our host is longtime Kings play-by-play man Nick Nickson, and he’s sitting with veteran winger Taylor. They’re reminiscing about the very first interview they ever did together, way back in 1977, and Nickson has the clip. This should be fun!

Hey, wait a minute…

Yes, our trip back to 1977 has been accomplished via some special effects, a terrible fake mustache, and a fantastic mullet wig. It’s actually a pretty decent setup, and I’d be willing to bet that at least a few viewers took a minute to catch on to what was happening.

In his first answer, Taylor suggests that the Kings should someday switch over the black-and-silver uniforms like the Raiders. Get it? He’s predicting what happens in the future. I hope you enjoyed that joke, because it’s basically the only one they have for the next four minutes.

They also trip over which city the Raiders are supposed to be playing in, but they just keep rolling. The bit is good, but not “worth trying more than one take” good.

Taylor’s next answer “predicts” that he should play on a line with Marcel Dionne and Charlie Simmer. That would of course be the Triple Crown Line, which turned out to be one of the best of the 1980s. It was also one of the last great lines to get a decent nickname, instead of today’s lazy treatment of taking the first letter of each guy’s name and being done with it. We’re lucky this line didn’t come along today—I’m not sure I could have handled cheering on the STD Line.

Taylor’s next prediction is that the Islanders will be good, at which point Nickson jumps in to wonder if they’ll make an important trade someday. That’s a reference to the infamous Butch Goring deadline deal with the Kings, but to Nickson and Taylor’s credit they don’t come right out and hit you over the head with the punchline. Mainly because they’re saving that for the next question.

Yes, we arrive at the inevitable Wayne Gretzky bit. You knew it was coming. Taylor manages to predict all of Gretzky’s scoring records, at which point Nickson wonders what would happen if Gretzky ever wound up in a big market like Los Angeles. Taylor responds, “We probably still wouldn’t win anything and then end up trading him for Roman Vopat,” but I think that part accidentally got cut.

We mercifully make it to the last question. Nickson wants to know what players do in their spare time. Taylor answers that he likes reading comic books, and as luck would have it happens to be holding one in his hand right then. It’s a Batman comic, and Taylor predicts that someday it could make for a good movie, which is funny because… You know what, I think you get the idea.

I think we can agree that this whole bit isn’t exactly the most subtle premise, but there is a neat moment at the very beginning that’s easy to miss. Go back to Taylor’s first answer at the one-minute mark, and note how he stutters through the first few words. As a real rookie back in 1977, Taylor had a speech impediment, and often avoided doing interviews. He worked on it over the years to the point where it was rarely noticeable, but he sure seems to slip in an intentional reference to it here. I thought that was cool.

We close with Nickson pointing out the few things “rookie” Taylor failed to predict, and Taylor responding that he wasn’t asked about those. They then pull off the “fake laugh and look at the camera” moment that ended each episode of every 1980s sitcom, and we’re done.

In case you’re wondering, this YouTube clip doesn’t mention the date that it originally aired, but I think we can piece it together. We know it was during Taylor’s career but after the Gretzky trade, that it was a game against the Rangers in New York, and that the two teams were tied 1-1 after one period. That leaves two possibilities, one from 1993 and the other from 1990. I think we can safely go with the latter, since the Batman movie came out in 1989. So that means this aired on March 12, 1990, which isn’t quite April Fools territory but is close enough. Don’t say you never get any investigative journalism out of this column.

By the way, Taylor ended up scoring a goal in a Kings’ win that night. Who could have predicted that?

Have a question, suggestion, old YouTube clip, or anything else you’d like to see included in this column? Email Sean at nhlgrabbag@gmail.com.

DGB Grab Bag: Look Out, Mitch Marner, Easter Bunny Larocque, and Everyone Re-Lax syndicated from https://australiahoverboards.wordpress.com

[theauthorfiles-blog]

Meet Marika Ray!

TAF: Pull up a chair. Let’s break the ice shall we? Knowing that you have a love of the beach, let’s pretend that you are in a Jaws or Shallows type situation. You have to choose three people to help you fight off and survive the shark attack. A lifeguard, a paramedic, and a friend. Who would they be and why?

 MR: First of all, I would absolutely want my husband there. He’s so good at spotting things far out in the distance. Like he’s got some crazy bionic eye or something! And he used to be a lifeguard back in high school, so I’d definitely want him in this scenario as a lifeguard. For my friend, I’d want my girl Amanda. She’s pretty level headed and a ride-or-die kind of girl. She even swiped a huge bug out of my eye one time while hiking so I know she’d pull through in case of any shark drama. For the paramedic, I’d choose my grandfather. I know what you’re thinking: how’s a 97-year-old guy gonna help?? Well, you said pretend, so that’s what I’m doing! That man is the most multi-talented guy I know. He was in battle during WWII, he worked construction, he cooks, he reupholsters furniture, he even sewed tiny flowers onto my veil for my wedding. If a shark took a bite out of me, my grandpa is the man to put me back together.

 TAF: Okay now that we know how you intend to survive every beach lover’s nightmare, tell us a little more about you for my readers that haven’t yet had the privileged to curl up with one of your books!

           MR: My first book just came out on February 22, 2018, so I’m sure most of your readers haven’t heard about me yet! So…hi!! I’m a little awkward, but I own it, dammit! I am a Jill-of-all-trades. I’ve worked in physical therapy, special interest lobbying, internet start-ups, finance, owned my own business, and I love to write. Basically, once I get turned onto something, I dive in. Like, waaaay deep. If I have no interest, I can’t be bothered. I love learning new things and am ridiculously positive by nature. I feel calm and centered at the beach and I grew up in southern California, so the Beach Squad series is close to my heart. I’m a coffee addict and I love snuggling with my daughter. And lastly, I have a ton of stories floating around in my head that I can’t wait to get on paper!

 TAF: Have you ever Googled yourself?

           MR: I’ve googled my real name and there are some crazy pictures that show up…one of the reasons why I love writing with a pseudonym. lol

 TAF: Do you have an evil day job or do you write full time?

 MR: I have a part-time day job that I actually love. Not quite as much as writing though. I’m blessed to be doing exactly what I love to do.

 TAF: Do you see yourself in any of your characters?

           MR: Esa, in Sweet Dreams, has a habit of mixing up her phrases. That character trait was             totally written from first-hand experience! I mix my phrases up constantly…it’s bad…

 TAF: Do you listen to music while writing?

           MR: Yes, I usually have some easy listening top 40 type music in the background. Not loud enough that I can make out lyrics though as that derails my brain. I also diffuse oils on my desk. I basically try to create a really cozy experience so I continue to always love writing.

 TAF: What are your favorite hobbies?

           MR: Don’t unfriend me over this, but I love to workout!! I love the mental release of sweating and listening to loud music while I move my body. That doesn’t mean I’m a skinny little thing…’cause I also equally love to eat! lol Other hobbies are surfing (which I learned how to do at the ripe ol’ age of 38), reading (been a fan of books since I read Little House on the Prairie) and trying new recipes.

 TAF: What are your guilty pleasures?

 MR: Definitely chocolate and romance books, the spicier the better! The books, not the chocolate…

 TAF: If you could be one of your characters, who would you chose?

           MR: I definitely would love to be Bailey, Esa’s best friend! She is so sassy and doesn’t put up with shit from             anybody. I was always a bit shy and could have used some backbone in my younger years. It would be fun to live as her for a bit where you just say what you’re thinking, and everybody still loves you.

 TAF: If I were to buy you a book for your birthday or just because I am such total awesomeness, what genre would I need to scour?

           MR: Romance is my first choice, of course! But I also secretly love YA. I love all the angst and firsts and finding your power drama….it’s nice to read about it, knowing I’m well beyond that point in my own life! lol I also enjoy suspense and I have a few ideas of my own for some twisty suspenseful reads in the future.

 TAF: State a random fact about yourself that would surprise your readers.

           MR: I grew up in a religion that’s now been officially labeled a cult. Being graphic with sex scenes in my books has been a liberating experience, as that was totally taboo to talk about growing up.

 TAF: In closing, tell us a bit about your latest release (& share a yummy excerpt for those who aren’t yet familiar with your work)

 MR: My latest and first release is Sweet Dreams, a stand-alone novel in the Beach Squad Series. It’s about a lifeguard and his fearless lady, Esa. Her story shows you what a strong woman she is, yet she still has fears like we all do. In this book, she faces a stalker and she faces herself, seeing if she can open up and let love back into her heart after it’s been broken.

Excerpt

Here’s an excerpt from Chapter 6, before they’ve become an official couple.

 I was just pulling my pjs on when Ivan knocked softly on the door. "Are you decent?" he called before stepping into the room.

"Just barely!" I said while my stomach went mushy. This felt intimate somehow. Wearing our pjs, talking in my bedroom. Like we were playing house together. I was nervous, but in a good way.

"Damn, I missed the show.” He teased me with a half-smile, half-leer. "Turn around so I can change too. Or you can watch, it doesn't bother me."

"Ivan!" I said, flushing red. I turned around and heard clothes rustling as he changed pants. I walked toward my bed and climbed up on the quilt and sat down facing him, sinking a few inches into the pillows.

 The red in my cheeks didn't go anywhere as I got to check him out with pajama pants hung low on his hips. His feet were bare and thank the Lord, he had nice looking boy feet. Feet weren't attractive most of the time and so many guys had nasty feet. Total deal killer. But not Ivan.

My eyes drifted back up, and I saw the sexy, male muscle bumps on either side of his hip bones. I think Abercrombie made them famous a decade or two ago. It's like they were arrows leading to the treasure. I could literally feel my lips burning as I thought about getting my mouth on them. Five years without a hint of a sex drive and I'd gone from zero to sixty in one date. I would have to turn on the ceiling fan to cool it off in here.

And then I took in the abs, and the pecs, and the biceps. All tan, all bumpy with muscle, a few strategically placed veins in all the right places. A faint scattering of dark blond chest hair tapered into a subtle happy trail, disappearing into his pants. Good God. My face burned even brighter and my eyes glazed over. That man was straight up lethal and I wasn't sure I could handle it. I mean, he was a California beach lifeguard. They made a TV show out of hottie lifeguards! He had to stay in shape for his job, he had women drooling over him all day, he took action in dangerous situations. And now he was in my bedroom, half dressed and looking at me with hooded eyes, taking in my pajama-clad self in bed.

He walked toward me and I swear it was more of a prowl than a walk. Not much to do but try to take it all in and burn it to memory. I could have jumped up and moved us to the living room, but the sexy side of me that literally just woke up from its long slumber wouldn't let me. I was frozen in place and I think Ivan knew it.

He reached the side of the bed. He lifted one leg, climbed up, and sat criss-cross-applesauce in front of me, knees touching mine. I could feel his heat and I was drawn to it, just like his familiar scent that surrounded me with him this close. He leaned in and touched his lips to my cheek. "Relax, Esa," he whispered against my cheek.

Author Bio

Marika Ray spends her time behind a computer crafting stories, walking the beaches of Southern California scoping out the lifeguards, and making healthy food for her kids and husband whether they like it or not. Prior to writing novels, Marika held various jobs in the finance industry, with private start-up companies, and then in health & fitness. Cats may have nine lives, but Marika believes everyone should have nine careers to keep things spicy. But definitely no cats, because she’s allergic to them.

 You can stalk Marika here:

Facebook

Goodreads

Instagram

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PowerLine -> Tragedy in Charlottesville prompts criticism of President Trump and The Week in Pictures: Googleplex Edition

Heil Google at HoaxAndChange.com

Powerline image at HoaxAndChange

powerline at HoaxAndChange.com

Daily Digest

Tragedy in Charlottesville prompts criticism of President Trump

The Liberal Crackup

Green Weenie of the Week: Gilkisonism

(DHS) Magical mystery tour: Doing the work the Star Tribune won’t do (3)

The Week in Pictures: Googleplex Edition

Tragedy in Charlottesville prompts criticism of President Trump

Posted: 12 Aug 2017 04:08 PM PDT

(Paul Mirengoff)

I’ve been watching soccer all day (the first full match day of the 2017-18 Premier League season), so I’m just hearing the awful news about the violence in Charlottesville, Virginia. As I’m sure nearly all of readers know, the violence erupted today when white nationalists trying to hold a rally clashed with protesters who objected to their rally.

The worst of the day’s injuries occurred after the rally dispersed, when a car plowed into counter-protesters, killing at least one person and injuring at least 19 others. As I write this, police officials haven’t determined that the driver acted with intent to kill or injure. However, there are indications from eye-witnesses that this may well have been the case. The driver has been taken into custody.

President Trump condemned the violence. Naturally, however, he’s being criticized by Democrats and their friends in the media. They say he didn’t tweet about the goings on in Charlottesville quickly enough. The New York Times sniffs that he “remained silent on the violence for most of the morning.” Maybe he was watching soccer.

On a more serious note, Trump has received criticism for not singling out the white nationalists for criticism. Instead of doing that, Trump said:

We condemn in the strongest possible terms this egregious display of hatred, bigotry and violence on many sides. It’s been going on for a long time in our country. It’s not Donald Trump, it’s not Barack Obama.

Trump then called for the “swift restoration of law and order” and for unity among Americans of “all races, creeds, and colors.”

I don’t see a problem here. By condemning all sides, the president clearly condemned the white nationalists.

David Duke, the white nationalist who led the demonstration, understood this. He lashed out at Trump for his remarks, a fact the New York Times neglects to note in its article about the criticism of the president.

Should Trump have included a denunciation of leftist hatred, bigotry, and violence? Absolutely. The “antifas” have been rioting and attacking peaceful protesters across America. Reportedly, there were some in Charlottesville, and they engaged in fighting.

If the driver of the car that killed and injured counter-protesters acted intentionally, he deserves special condemnation. However, at the time Trump spoke, the driver’s intent had not been determined.

It would be interesting to know whether the Democrats — e.g., Chuck Schumer — who are attacking Trump for not singling out white nationalists had anything to say about the left-wing thugs who rampaged through Washington, D.C. on the day of Trump’s inauguration, or about any other instances of thuggery by these anti-Trump radicals.

In any event, there is no event, no matter how tragic or how remote from the control of Donald Trump, that Democratic politicians and media hacks can’t convert into an attack on President Trump almost instantaneously.

   The Liberal Crackup

Posted: 12 Aug 2017 11:45 AM PDT

(Steven Hayward)

The Wall Street Journal ran an excerpt from Mark Lilla’s new book, The Once and Future Liberal, coming out on Tuesday that we mentioned here yesterday. Here’s a link to the whole piece if you are a WSJ subscriber, but if not here are two of the better paragraphs in it:

As a teacher, I am increasingly struck by a difference between my conservative and progressive students. Contrary to the stereotype, the conservatives are far more likely to connect their engagements to a set of political ideas and principles. Young people on the left are much more inclined to say that they are engaged in politics as an X, concerned about other Xs and those issues touching on X-ness. And they are less and less comfortable with debate.

Over the past decade a new, and very revealing, locution has drifted from our universities into the media mainstream: Speaking as an X…This is not an anodyne phrase. It sets up a wall against any questions that come from a non-X perspective. Classroom conversations that once might have begun, I think A, and here is my argument, now take the form, Speaking as an X, I am offended that you claim B. What replaces argument, then, are taboos against unfamiliar ideas and contrary opinions.

This phenomenon, I submit, is why conservatives have the advantage out in the real world, and why conservatives are more likely to win political battles in the long run, despite the left’s near monopolistic control of academic, the media, popular entertainment, and corporate human resources departments.

Two further notes: What Lilla describes as having burst the bounds of academia into the media mainstream now also applies to large parts of corporate America. See Google. I’d love to see a study some time of how many graduates with degrees in Gender Studies or related politicized fields end up in corporate human resources department jobs, or consulting companies that put on “diversity” training seminars for corporate America.

Second, I’ll wait to read the whole book to see Lilla’s complete judgment, but one question the early excerpts raise is whether “progressive” students are in fact not liberals at all (and not actually in favor of progress for that matter: I saw Harvard’s Steven Pinker give a great lecture in June on the question “Why are ‘Progressives’ against progress?” He has a book coming out in March that will explore this question.) If it is the case that today’s so-called “progressives” are in fact anti-liberals, does it not require then that liberals go into explicit opposition to “progressivism,” and—horrors—ally with conservatives?

   Green Weenie of the Week: Gilkisonism

Posted: 12 Aug 2017 09:18 AM PDT

(Steven Hayward)

Last week we noted in “Climate Shark Jumping” the musings of one John Gilkison at the website EV World, which is otherwise a site devoted to electricity technology innovations, but where Gilkison speculated on the death penalties to be handed out at the prospective climate criminal trials of 2029. The list of people to be executed included all of the usual suspects, including the Koch brothers naturally, even though Charles and David Koch will be over 100 years old in 2029.

What what do you know? Gilkison’s post seems to have been taken down at EV World. Wonder why? But not to worry: Gilkison has several other posts in a similar authoritarian mode still up at the site, and if Paul Ehrlich had to retire some day, Gilkison might as well take his place.

For example, take in Tikopia IV, which offers a schematic for a world government on a new planet after we have finished trashing this one. Here are some of the main features, with commentary:

1: This government would have to be declared to be a secular government run by science and data and not religion. In point of fact religious based views would have to be kept out of any law or rule making and all laws and rules would have to be peer reviewed.

2: The total population of the planet must be controlled and not be allowed to grow beyond a certain preset number (500 to 750 million people) assuming the new planet is much like Earth (similar land and ocean areas, and resources). All corporations are limited to 80 year terms and must behave or have their charters revoked.

Well, I can see some upside here. At least we could finally get rid of the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac, etc. But notice, as always, the authoritarian impulse to control the reproductive choices of individual human beings? And just how is that to be enforced? (See point 8 below for one problem with this.) And why the hostility toward individual conscience about things transcendent? Maybe Gilkison is just trying to make himself employable at Google or something.

5: Fractional reserve banking shall be closely controlled and the monetary system shall be based upon units of primary energy. The total money in the system shall be regulated to certain limits and not be allowed to grow beyond a point based upon per capita needs. Because of these limits the total amount of wealth accumulated by any one individual or entity shall be also regulated so that a basic guaranteed livable income is available to all regardless of their status.

6: High speed electric rail and maglev transportation shall be available to all around the planet. Personal transportation and trucking is to electric drive also. Airplane travel shall be reduced to the minimum necessary. Any liquid fuels shall be derived from biomass. ICE, turbines, and jet technology can only be used in limited application run with biomass fuels. Cars, trucks, bikes, motorcycles shall be electric drive in so far as practical. Some hybrid electric applications shall be allowed for range in certain situations.

I’m sure if we only put smart people like Gilkison in charge of all these variables everything will come out just fine. (Hayek, call your office.)

8: Everybody votes, in person, electronically, or otherwise. Fines shall be levied against anyone not voting without a valid reason (medical or other incapacity). Elections are funding from public sources and limited to a six week period.

But what if they vote for Donald Trump? Or vote against Gilkison’s policies? Suppose a majority vote that it wants to allow more people to have babies?

There’s more where this came from. A good representation of the apocalyptic authoritarian mind of environmentalism.

   (DHS) Magical mystery tour: Doing the work the Star Tribune won’t do (3)

Posted: 12 Aug 2017 06:30 AM PDT

(Scott Johnson)

I set forth the chain of events that sparked my interest in the 2016 MSP International Airport tour for Somalis only in the post “(DHS) Magical mystery tour (and why I need a lawyer).” Last year I sought information from the Department of Homeland Security Office of Civil Rights (OCR) under the Freedom of Information Act. OCR provided a few heavily redacted pages and rebuffed the administrative law judge when he requested an explanation of the redactions.

Theresa Bevilacqua of Dorsey & Whitney’s Minneapolis office answered my plea for help. Theresa has filed a Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) lawsuit against the Department of Homeland Security Office of Civil Rights (OCR) on my behalf in federal court in Minneapolis. Thank you, Theresa.

I thought at the time the lawsuit was filed that the Star Tribune might take an interest. If asked about it, I had planned to respond that we are only doing the work the Star Tribune won’t do. However, the Star Tribune hasn’t asked.

Because the Customs and Border Protection (CBP) official to whom I spoke last year directed me to OCR, I neglected to file a separate FOIA request with CBP. On Ms. Bevilacqua’s advice, I have now done so and CBP has formally responded. CBP has produced 29 redacted pages (posted below via Scribd) with claimed FOIA exemptions stamped over the redactions. An extremely helpful guide to FOIA exemptions is posted online here. I don’t think the cited FOIA exemptions apply, but we shall see. The CBP is also withholding 31 pages in their entirety. I have administratively appealed the CBP’s response to my FOIA request.

I attempted to follow up on CBP’s response to my FOIA request by email. CBP spokesman Kris Grogan told me by email: “Every year CBP conducts numerous events and programs around the country in which civic, religious and community leaders, as well as interested residents, are afforded an inside look at how CBP secures the border at and between ports of entries. CBP is committed to fostering a positive relationship within the communities we live and serve.”

I asked these follow-up questions of Mr. Grogan: Can you tell me what other groups receive annual tours of the secure areas at MSP Airport such as this one? How can I get myself invited? Do you have any reason to think that invitees who don’t pass vetting (such as the disinvited imam) don’t get information from the vetted guests?

I also asked these questions in a separate email: When did these annual tours begin at MSP? Did one take place this year? Does CBP or DHS conduct other such tours at airports around the United States? If so, what airports?

I told Grogan that I was “working on articles based on the information provided to date and ask for your prompt response to these basic questions or some indication that you decline to respond.”

Grogan has failed to respond in any manner. Stone-cold silence. Something tells me that they really don’t want us to know much of anything about what’s happening here.

Among the redactions in the documents provided are the names of every OCR and CBP officer on the email messages, the names of every Somali guest on the tour and the draft invitation. The documents even redact the name of the CBP Area Port Director, a name that is otherwise easily available — for example, here and here and here. The Area Port Director is Jennifer De La O.

We do have this, however, in an email from someone to someone dated January 13, 2016: “I hope you are staying warm. After much some [some] anticipation, the cold front reached us today. For the airport tour, February 18 would be great from our end. Would between 6pm-8pm work? This would accommodate prayer times well.”

2017-068244 JUL 19 2017 by Scott Johnson on Scribd

   The Week in Pictures: Googleplex Edition

Posted: 12 Aug 2017 05:04 AM PDT

(Steven Hayward)

“Googleplex” used to mean a 10 followed by 100 zeros, but as of this week it is the new analog to “perplexed.” It will henceforth be used for liberal faceplants in the following way: “Man you must really be Googleplexed by that!” Meanwhile, although Google’s headquarters is also apparently known as the “Googleplex,” when rendered into numerical notation it will have to be 10-100.

Coming soon to a Google diversity seminar near you.

Barron Trump, Mike Pence, and their IT guy begin the attack on North Korea.

Headlines of the week:

What planet does the Puffington Host live on?

    Women are the same as men. Except when they’re different.

Women are the same as men. Except when they’re different.

What is this thing?

Greatest back-to-school sale ever.

And finally. . .

     PowerLine -> Tragedy in Charlottesville prompts criticism of President Trump and The Week in Pictures: Googleplex Edition PowerLine -> Tragedy in Charlottesville prompts criticism of President Trump and The Week in Pictures: Googleplex Edition…